released March 16, 2019

A huge thank you, merci and dank je to Brother Stephen A Wood for the photo psychedelisising, to Sister Jo Lewis for the photo itself, lettering and chopping, and to Brother Tim Benton for mastering, support and good advice. Love to you all xxx

Track One:

It is with great exasperation that I see my fellow so-called followers of Christ shouting for fiends and monsters, whose cackling meanness of spirit and hatred of the underdog seeps into the public consciousness. For the love of God, what on Earth are they doing? To the far west of my monastery, they call for apocalypse and destruction just so they may be picked for paradise, but I see the trees outside my abbey and know we are already in paradise; this is the one thing the Cathars got intellectually wrong, while paradoxically getting down and rocking out. A risky gamble, insensitive fools, science deniers, hence God deniers, since … well, look, it wasn’t us who came up with the equations just to wind you up – 2+2=4 and hydrogen plus oxygen makes water and the world is round is all God’s work. What devilry even has to make me point this out? I remain devout, but let me hit the bottle for the time being. It’s very upsetting, but at least we Belgians brew the best beer. It’s worth tasting, you know!

PS Try chopping down our trees and I’ll bash you over the head with your own Old Testament – unless I’ve been on the ale. Touch Brother Junior and I’ll mash youse.

Backing vocals: The mighty, the great, the beloved and humble Brother Ash Doc Horror Lerczak. As ever, working with the Doc brings me enormous affection, giggles and pleasure.

“Your preoccupation with death
Makes me want to get
Whisky on my breath.”

Track Two:

Brother Nikos Haywoode from our fraternal friends’ friary in far-flung Frosinone is an extraordinary man and an inspiration to our lot in the flatlands. He would smile through earthquakes, sing through volcanoes, dance through the worst times of humanity, not in defiance but in simple elation. Nikos woke up one morning and through the force of will of an advancing brook decided to look at the world through innocent and ever-present eyes. You know what, it worked a treat! We are trying over here, we really are! We’ll get there, I hope.
PS He has many of the best jokes, surrethereal in substance.

Backing vocals: The divine, kind and loving soul, Friar Brownbow’s ochre and British Racing green-mossed rock and secret illicit lover, Sister Joanna Lewis. God knows I’m good, he/she/it’ll look the other way.

The endless well of generosity, kindness and encouragement that is Abbot Tim Benton.

The blistering, magical force of nature and goodness that is Sister Bibiana Graeff.

Naicher Mann, Friar Brownbow’s best friend bar none in our brief spell on this particular planet. Our souls are entwined.

“If there are fewer woodpeckers than there were before
Should you love them less because you wish there were more.”

Track Three:

What an adventure! We crossed a Moorcockian segway of white light connecting two planes using the chef’s best mushrooms as fuel, before skipping and scampering across a plank of earthy, branch-strewn grass and finding ourselves in deepest, greenest Warwickshire, cavorting wildly across small and glorious lumps and bumps – Friar Osborne’s expression – towards the Mock Turtle’s shifting castle! We later went home in high spirits but tired, only to be invigorated by the great Master Chef Georges-Auguste Escoffier. His garlic is lightning! His onion soup sparkling! Kindly he was too, providing coats and ladles for our impoverished cooks. He took no shit either but we appreciated it and got to work, before the customers rolled in.

Backing Vocals: Love and gratitude once again to Sister Bibiana Graeff! A magnificent performance!

“Wah wah wah wa wah wah.”

Track Four:

Roll up! Roll up! The soup is served! On se regale! On se regale! On se regale! The soup changes every week, of course, like at any restaurant worth its salt (guffaw!), but the permanent ingredients are Fats Domino and Tony Morley.

Guest star: Antoine Henry Batchelor, our hope for the future and admirer of Fathers Damo, Dougal and Ted, our emerald brothers out west.

“Paul McGrath.”